31 Dec
2012
Posted in: Life
By    1 Comment

On Resolutions

I’m not the kind of person who makes New Year’s resolutions. I’m the kind of person who wakes up in the morning with an idea, spends hours planning the idea out, and then jumps into it before I can change my mind. I know not everyone gets that kind of an itch like I do so I get the appeal of a new year to be used as a clean slate or a fresh start. If that’s your plan, then go for it. If you sort of expect that in 6 weeks you’ll have already given up, then maybe there’s a different way.

turkey trot

On my 26th birthday I decided it was time for me to try to be healthier. I’m a cancer survivor and I’d finally reached that critical 5-year point most survivors look to as proof they just might make it. I don’t even think I’d realized I’d been holding my breath until I finally let it out. I didn’t want my goal to be losing weight (though like many people I welcomed the possibility) but rather I wanted measurable proof that I was healthier. I’d seen my body become so weak once, my lungs strained when I walked, my bones hurt under my skin, and I felt afraid to move on with my life. It was time for me to take action.

santa-dash

I got a Wii and a Wii Fit and some fitness games and started building up strength. It wasn’t easy. I also took up running and made it into an activity my whole family could enjoy. I ran a 5K on Thanksgiving morning this year. Then 2 weekends later I ran another one 2 minutes faster than my last. Even better, when I went to my regular oncologist visit I saw real proof I was getting healthier–my blood oxygen levels were at their best since I had started chemo almost 6 years earlier. There it was again, letting out another breath I didn’t realize I’d been holding.

pushing daisies

I went on a long trip this year. The kind of trip I never thought I’d take. One day I just took the plunge and realized if I lived my whole life waiting for some sign that I’d be waiting a long time. Part of living through each day as a cancer survivor is the uncertainty. It’s hard to plan a trip 6 months down the road when you think in the back of your head you might not be okay in 6 months. But being alive is about taking risks, living in the moment, and enjoying what you see. Spending every day dreaming “next year will be different” was preventing me from living, truly living. I knew I had to get back to being me again and I couldn’t wait for that elusive date in the future when it just might happen.

rome

My whole year this year was a year of accomplishing the dreams I’d put on hold. I hadn’t held a steady job since graduating college. I’ve known for a while that holding temporary jobs was a way for me to be available to leave a job in case I got sick again but at some point I’d apparently decided I wasn’t going to put my life on hold like that again. I took a job that isn’t just a job but a place where I can grow a career. Don’t get me wrong, I have a lot of safeguards I’ve put in place should something happen to my health. I just try to live my life knowing there’s a lot of possibility in my future, especially if I put my mind to it.

Source: thefirstgradeparade.blogspot.com via Tobi on Pinterest

For me, holding back on a goal until January 1st of the next year rolls around is putting your life on hold. It’s saying you don’t believe in yourself yet but refuse to make any preparations to get yourself in a place you can succeed. If you keep making the same goals year after year are you really reaching your potential? If you plan to set a big resolution, maybe resolve to be more open to possibility. When you get those little nudges of inspiration, be willing to listen and take some big steps forward. I’ve had some set backs in those moments but I’ve also seen and done things I’d never trade.

 

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  • Emily Wilmes

    This is such a beautiful post. Thanks for the inspiration.