I’ve learned some things in my work for the legal system. I’ve learned people can be bad people and do bad things, I’ve learned people can be good people and do bad things. I’ve learned not all cops, attorneys, and judges are interested in doing what is right but rather what is easy. I’ve learned victims can be hard to sympathize with as they lash out in anger. I’ve learned money can buy a certain amount of influence. I’ve learned that the general public often knows nothing about how the system works.
What I’ve really learned is that the justice system isn’t really about justice and every group of people has outliers. We shouldn’t need the law to tell us how we should treat each other in this world, whether it is with our deeds or with our words. There’s also no shame in remembering that today when I see acts of violence in my city and words of hatred on my news feed. I try to tell myself these are good people doing hateful things because these are people I felt were my friends saying awful things or these are people who are my community acting out in violence. I want to believe in the good in people and yet I wonder how many people I feel I’m giving the benefit of the doubt I’m really just excusing.
There are 3 neighborhoods in St. Louis that were touched by the reaction to Ferguson. One was guarded and protected by police and the National Guard. One was given a chance to protest peacefully and had law enforcement step in when needed. Another was allowed to burn. It’s a perfect embodiment of our community divided in St. Louis and how easy it can be to look the other way.
There is no simple answer to describe what is happening in Ferguson and anyone who tries to give you one is ignorant of the entire situation. People are angry about many things. People are scared about many things. People are sad about many things. I don’t think St. Louis is alone in feeling that way. I woke up today deciding I can let those worries control me or I can keep working to bring about positive change in my community. I hope I don’t let me down.
On May 23, 2014, I put in my notice at my last job. The good news is, I didn’t just join the unemployment lines. I had a job offer waiting for me that’s a little outside of my usual expertise but encompasses a lot of the finer points of my background. I don’t know where this job will lead me but I definitely reached that “next stage of my career” distinction that I required for my 30before30 list. Honestly, without setting that goal I don’t know if I would have had the courage to even apply for the job let alone take it. Don’t be afraid to dream big.
I know that taking this job means I may have to sacrifice other priorities on my list, like a bigger trip or some of my activities that involve free time. It also put my family in a better position and sometimes you have to make sacrifices. Maybe I won’t achieve those dreams before I’m 30 but hopefully I’ll have the courage to keep going for them.
At the end of the day, I may have burned some bridges at my last job. In some ways I’m sorry because so many of the people meant so much to me. On the other hand, people there had stopped believing they deserved to be rewarded for hard work and I think some of the discomfort they felt was seeing the status quo challenged. It hurts my heart that so many people feel trapped for so many reasons and not everyone had the freedom to turn their back on the kind of job that just a few years earlier I had dreamed of. I had to leave so I didn’t feel trapped in my own way. We all have choices and we can all learn from the ones we do (or don’t) make.
Despite what people think of me, I took a big step forward.
Tina Fey had it right all along. I finally finished a cross stitch pattern the same week I left my job. Thanks to plasticlittlecovers for making a design that encompasses my life.
My summer started off completely different than I ever expected and that new job gave way to a decision to move from the country to the city. That’s another very long story though and one that isn’t quite over. I may have to come back to it.
Not only am I overdue in writing a post, I’m overdue in writing this post. Heck, I’m even overdue in completing this project. Let’s back up a bit.
I married my husband, Daniel, back in 2007. Since I know some people like origination stories, I’ll say that I met my husband while I was on the job. At Wal-Mart. Hey, it could be worse – my parents met while shoveling horse poop. After years of dating, we got married and this month we celebrated our 7th wedding anniversary. I’ve posted about our 6th anniversary and this year we did the whole copper exchange where we gifted ourselves some nice moscow mule mugs, salt and pepper shakers, and spent a nice date getting pizza and gelato.
One thing I did get accomplished this year was making my wedding shadow box. I had an entire container in my basement holding all those leftover wedding invites, some accessories, and a few other fun objects (including the table numbers featured above).
I had a nice shadow box I’d bought from Home Goods forever ago so I loaded up my hot glue gun and got to work. I started with a gold fabric that had been used on the head table. My dress was a gold/champagne shade and all my jewelry had been gold so I used it as a base. The ribbon on the bottom is a strap from one of the bridesmaid dresses. I did a quick measure and then hot glued it once I’d ironed the fabric out some.
Then I started doing some test placements of my invitations, the program, and my bouquet. I preserved my wedding bouquet in a slightly unusual way – with a rosary. Keepsake Rosaries turned the red roses from my wedding bouquet into a beautiful heirloom rosary.
Another decorative twist I included was a fun way of using the flower petals from our tabletops and the little note that was attached to our jams and honeys we gave out as favors. I just glued until it felt right.
Now getting a picture of the final product has been a bit tricky since our home is in a permanent state of reno. Here’s a picture before I placed it all into the frame.
I wanted to find a way to feature some of the wedding music and verses we had chosen and also some photos from the big day. My other favorite feature is that I was able to include the seal we’d used on our invites, just below the photo of me.
Once I got the frame fitted, I wanted to add some additional three-dimensional elements. In came the tiara from earlier and some more rose petals to add a fuller effect.
That will cross another item off my 30before30 list. Don’t worry, it’s not the only one. I did accomplish one of the biggest items on the list even before I was ready to. More on that later of course.
I don’t talk about work often but I included a goal on my 30 before 30 list to be at the next stage of my career before I am 30. I started from the very bottom with my employer first as an intern and then as a temp in a building with no air conditioning. I’ve worked my way up to a position that has very important roles in managing projects, hundreds of thousands of dollars, interacting with national press, and being on the forefront for projects that could truly change people’s lives. I’m amazed at how trusted I am with so much. I wish I could say that I’ve achieved that “next stage” definition and yet I am still at the same job title and salary I was hired in at.
I’m not giving up on my goal but I am acknowledging I might not achieve it in the way I idealized. I want a job that is a career in a path that I went to school for that is no longer considered entry level. That was all I meant by my goal. I think a better goal might be being the kind of employee who can say no. That’s the kind of lesson I think so many women have trouble with and I am no exception. I thought the way to move up in life was to smile, agree to help in any way and hope that those actions were enough to be recognized as a hard worker. Instead, I’ve seen the kind of workers who move up are the ones who play the game, who stand up for themselves, and who can move on from a battle in an effort to win the war.
Huge ASOIAF/Game of Thrones fan. #sorrynotsorry
I might not accomplish all of my goals and I might not accomplish my original goal. I will not sit back and be passive about my future. I think too often people (read: women) are encouraged to be accommodating and to sit back and wait for our goals to be achieved. I’m realizing that I don’t want to be the kind of person who leaves my fate to other people. I’m a hard worker, I’m bright and I’m strong. Even if I’m let down by others I won’t be let down by the choices I am making today.
For my sixth wedding anniversary, my husband and I each got the gift of iron. We did some research on how to use our new cast iron pans since neither of us had a history of cooking with them. I’ve found so many new recipes I can’t wait to try or have tried since. One recipe stood out to me: cast iron pizza.
The recipe I tried is from Serious Eats. I’ve made it maybe 5 times now and each time I am still amazed at how much like a Pizza Hut personal pan pizza it tastes like. Did anyone else do the Book It program in school where reading earned you pizza? This recipe brings back all my Pizza Hut days. I was always a reader but I’ll be bribed to read more any day for a slice of pizza. I am so impressed at how close this is recipe is to the real thing and I am also so impressed there was once a program that combines my two loves of reading and pizza.
This recipe starts by making the dough the day before. You don’t need a kitchenaid mixer, just a bowl, a spoon, and 5 ingredients- flour, kosher salt, yeast, water, and olive oil. I do suggest a scale for measuring but it is up to you.
You can top your pizza however you want. This pizza begs for traditional toppings but you can go creative if you want. The crust is so good so you will want to feature that.
Seriously, look at the crust and the cheesey goodness. This is the best pizza in the world and you could be making it right now.
Don’t forget the best part: This recipe makes two crusts. If you love it as much as I do, you can make yourself another one the next day and relive the experience. Who wouldn’t want that?
- 400 grams (14 ounces, about 2 1/2 cups) bread flour
- 10 grams (.35 ounces, about 2 teaspoons) kosher salt, plus more for sprinkling
- 4 grams (.15 ounces, about 1/2 teaspoon) instant yeast
- 275 grams (9.5 ounces, about 1 cup plus 3 tablespoons) water
- 8 grams (.25 ounces, about 2 teaspoons) extra-virgin olive oil, plus more to coat pans and drizzle
- Stir together your five ingredients until all the flour is moistened and combined, adding more water if necessary.
- Place in a bowl 5 times the size and cover with plastic wrap. Let dough rest 8-24 hours on a counter.
- Sprinkle dough with flour and separate into two balls. Freeze or chill second ball if making only a single pizza.
- Pour 1 to 2 tablespoons of olive oil in the bottom of a 10-inch cast iron skillet. Place 1 ball of dough in each pan and turn to coat evenly with oil. With palm of hand, flatten the ball slightly. Cover tightly with plastic wrap and let the dough sit at room temperature for two hours.
- After 80 minutes, preheat the oven to 550°F. While oven preheats, prepare 3/4 cup of your favorite sauce and shred 4 oz of a dry mozzarella as well as any toppings.
- Once the oven has preheated (about 2 hours after covering pan in plastic wrap), use your fingertips to press it around until it fills in every corner, popping any large bubbles that appear. Top with sauce, cheese and toppings.
- Bake in oven for 12-15 minutes. When finished, check bottom for doneness with a spatula. Remove pizza by sliding to a cutting board and allow to cool 5-10 minutes before cutting and serving.
Recipe from Serious Eats
Back in the fall I celebrated my 6th wedding anniversary. My husband and I each had a tough time with this one since we follow the traditional gift options most years. We’ve done well most years but this one stumped us. We’d survived paper, cotton, leather, fruit/flowers and wood but what do you do with iron and candy?
Well, if you are us you give chocolate and cast iron. We both wanted new cast iron skillets and we’d never owned any so why not start when the opportunity presented itself? As a bonus though, I also gifted Dan a night away camping in Iron County, Missouri, where my dad has some property in the middle of nowhere. We were isolated right by a bunch of hiking ground and since 2013 was when we decided to become hikers, we made the best of my last-minute iron gift. We brought our skillets, camping gear, and hiking gear with us and we were on the road.
Did I mention I brought a little friend? This was Nova’s first time hiking or camping. We got there late at night the first day and she was not quite ready for a world of sleeping bags or 2 hour car rides that first day. When she woke up the next morning, well, I have never seen a bigger transformation. My dainty little dog had turned into a trailblazer who found a new mission in life.
We went on a hike to Missouri’s highest peak. Did you know Missouri isn’t very high in elevation? While the hike itself required some major up and downs, somehow at 1,772 feet above sea level we didn’t get altitude sickness. It was this trip that made us realize that if we are going to be hikers we night need to venture out of Missouri now and then. Don’t get me wrong, I do love all our natural trails. It just seems like we might need a bigger challenge soon. Even Nova still had some energy left after the hike.
After our morning hike, we explored my dad’s property with Nova. She was sniffing out deer, squirrels, and maybe even bears. Well, probably not but never say never. I’m pretty sure what my little puppy (I see no gray in any photos, thank you very much) enjoyed most was with walks around the water with her favorite person in the world that weekend.
Somehow our anniversary that stumped us so much turned into a weekend full of memories and fun.
Like my post from last year, I’m sharing my top books for the year. For 2013, I had the added goal of getting through 50 books for my 30 Before 30 list. Thankfully I got all 50 books in by December 30. This year I’ll scale it back a touch knowing I have some giant books on my “to read” list. You can see my 2013 list in full on Goodreads or follow along in my sidebar for 2014’s progress.
This year I had 9 favorites. When I look at the list most of them seem outside of my comfort zone but they all make the list for the effects they had on me. They almost left me with a sense of melancholy since they aren’t all “fun” but the books were as a whole so beautiful that I want you to know that melancholy is a great thing here. I want a book that makes me feel or makes me think and this year’s favorites all do that.
A Walk in the Woods by Bill Bryson
This book was a humorous take on Byson’s attempt to hike the Appalachian Trail. I came away definitely not wanting to hike the trail but with the goal of wanting to reconnect with nature. I started running again, took up hiking and got myself a bike. I plan to spend 2 of my next trips engaging in hiking.
11/22/63 by Stephen King
I know this one is a little old but with the JFK anniversary this year, I figured why not add it to the list. I’m not the biggest King fan but give me a book about time travel, history, love, and mystery and I can’t put it down. This book left me thinking about paradoxes and marathoning Doctor Who again.
The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks by Rebecca Skloot
Reading this reminded me of my college dinner and a book class with its discussion of medicine and ethics. Henrietta Lacks and her family were focused on just as much as the legacy of her cells. If you don’t know about Henrietta, there are few people who have made such a dent on science as her. I owe my own life to the discoveries that came with her cells and yet her own family’s suffering continues.
Code Name Verity by Elizabeth Wein
WWII, best friends, female badasses and the biggest heartbreak of the year all in a young adult book. The book itself is set as a confession at the end of a life and it made me really think about the value of my own life.
The Ghost Map by Steven Johnson
Again with my love of nonfiction microhistories. This one has to do with the spread of cholera in Victorian London. I enjoyed looking at the past through the knowledge of the day and seeing how “knowing” and knowing are two very different things.
The Raven Boys by Maggie Stiefvater
I confess I read 3 of Stiefvater’s books this year and wanted to include them all on this list. The Raven Boys mixes private schools, a reversal on the manic pixie dream girl trope, mystery, fate, death, belief, and family in a crazy plot that will probably make you grab its sequel, The Dream Thieves, as soon as you finish. I read this book and was just engrossed and wanted my life to be that exciting.
Ready Player One by Ernest Cline
The following summary is the exact opposite kind of book I should love based on the description: A teenage boy obsessed with video games and peak Gen-X pop culture tries to solve a mystery that’s unsolvable. What that summary doesn’t tell you is that this is a book about overthrowing the worst of society, reconnecting in an isolationist world, and personal growth. I read 8 books on vacation this year and this was the best of the best. It stuck with me because despite being a futuristic young adult book set with my own past, it applies so much to today’s world.
Eleanor & Park by Rainbow Rowell
This book is on nearly every top books list of the year and it deserves to be. It pairs nicely with Ready Player One. This young adult book deals with pop culture, feeling like an outsider and living life with an overwhelming sense of courage every day. The characters were real enough that I wanted the best for them even when they didn’t always get it because life isn’t fair.
The Dog Stars by Peter Heller
Another book set in the future, this one made me so lonely. The author explains how empty the main character feels in his solitude and it just exudes through the pages into you. While this book left me sobbing at times it gave me so much hope in the end that I couldn’t let this list go without including it.
So my second item off my 30 Before 30 list is actually the first one I accomplished. A week before I turned 28 this kickstarted the entire list. Just before my senior year of high school I bought a used car- my Toyota Camry. I had said in college that I’d replace it when I got my first “real” job. Then the economy tanked. Job after job wasn’t what I would define as “good” for so many reasons but in the end, my current one is when I knew I had found a place. Still, I was hesitant to replace my car. It had lasted for so long and we had seen the world together.
I was determined to see my car to the next milestone. We would hit 250,000 miles together and say goodbye.
At this point I thought I could say goodbye. Luckily for me, I didn’t have to make that choice. My car broke down at 250,000.3 miles. I had to walk home the half mile back to my house. Luckily, I had a backup plan. That same week I’d already bought myself a new car and started on this 30 before 30 adventure.
Say hello to my new car:
If it looks a little familiar, it should since I got another Toyota Camry. This one is a hybrid. We got our first hybrid a year before and loved it and had to get another. In the 18 years that passed between each car being built, there were a few changes. My old Camry was state of the art with power windows and locks but this new one has a few more upgrades.
It was sad to see my old car go but my dad (who owns an auto shop) managed to get it fixed and sold to a new home. I had a great decade plus with my old car and I hope this new one can make me just as happy.
One of my easy 30 before 30 goals was having a real Christmas tree. All this one required was going out and buying a tree and tree stand.
It’s never quite that easy. I also needed new lights since my old little fake one required so very few and then I needed a garland of some kind since I didn’t quite have enough ornaments either and then I needed a tree skirt because I didn’t actually have one before, just some fabric. Other than those little additions, this was quite an easy project.
I love putting up ornaments each year. I have always had a red, silver, and gold theme going on with my husband and then we throw on some old favorites. I’m realizing my ornaments kind of have a monopoly on the tree.
I already had quite a few wrapped gifts waiting to go under here. I’m waiting on a few more to arrive and I still have at least 2 to make. Here’s a little photoshopped up dreamy version of my tree.
Nova still isn’t quite sure what to think of the new tree. My biggest worry is that she will try to sneak a taste at the presents. She has learned how to unwrap gifts on Christmas morning and now seems to think every package just might contain a dog bone. Tough luck puppy, those are all hidden till when Santa Paws arrives.Pin It
Since I’ve been MIA for a while, let me back a few things up and share one of the projects I did start this summer. Right around the time I turned 28 I realized I haven’t been entirely productive in my 20s. My 20s started off with me recovering from surgery to have a port-a-cath installed so I could begin chemo 2 weeks later. By the time I was 23 I had survived cancer, graduated college early, started 2 jobs, gotten married, gotten a dog, and a house. That sounds like a lot but I feel like the momentum slowed a bit after that for some projects.
Now that I’m approaching 30, I realize my 20s are missing 4 key things:
- I haven’t been everywhere in the world. Heaven forbid! But the thing about having health issues so early in my life means I know I don’t have forever so I want to go everywhere while I know I can.
- I still have some growing up to do. It’s easy to see I grew up fast in my early 20s but I’ve had a hard time envisioning a future at times because I was so caught up on the past. I want to push myself to new levels and challenge myself in ways I’ve been slacking at.
- I haven’t finished all those loose ends. I’m the queen of starting but not finishing. Just once I’d like to clear out some of those incomplete projects.
- I need to have some fun. I am constantly the serious one. I have no ability to be spontaneous or overanalyze things. I need to enjoy my 20s before they are gone.
I’ve written down 30 big items I want to do before my deadline of July 29, 2015. I’ll be tracking my progress on the tag #30before30 here on my site and on this post. If you know me in real life and want to volunteer yourself to accomplish a task with me or hold me accountable, I’d owe you forever.
1. Hike Machu Picchu
2. Finish the Missouri 100 Miles Challenge
3. Visit a new state
4. Make a map of my travels
5. Run a 10-minute mile
6. Draft a story
7. Be at the next stage of my career (Completed 5/23/2014)
8. Take a class (Completed 5/20/2015)
9. Finish 50 books in 2013 (Completed 12/30/2013)
10. Adopt a family for Christmas (Completed 11/29/2014)
11. Prepare my future finances
12. Finish my advent calendar
13. Make my wedding shadow box (Completed 2/17/2014)
14. Make a yearbook for each year of marriage
15. Get back to my pre-cancer weight
16. Finish a cross-stitch piece (Completed 6/10/2014)
17. Make my T-shirt quilt
18. Find my MSA list and do an item on it
19. “Finish” the house (Completed 12/15/2014)
20. Redo my websites
21. Go to the City Museum (Completed 7/25/2015)
22. Make a family tree (Completed 7/26/2015)
23. Make a piece of furniture for my home
24. Go skydiving (Completed 7/3/2015)
25. Have a live Christmas tree (Completed 12/6/2013)
26. Go on a monthly date night for all of 2014 (Completed 12/14/2014)
27. Host a themed party (Completed 2/22/2015)
28. Make a paella (Completed 6/23/2015)
29. Buy a new car (Completed 7/22/2013)
30. Get a family photo